I lost my job because of a girl.
I went to France because of a girl.
I got a dog because of a girl, also a lizard.
I should really learn to think for myself. Nah, other people make big decisions based on lots of thought and stuff. I just wait until a nice body part attached to a woman walks by. It's served me well. Sure, I've been in jail a few times and Jacey (my dog) has had to be dewormed more times than I can count but life isn't boring and you just roll with it and things turn out fine.
I looked over at Basilisk my bearded dragon just as the door burst in, a gun went off and his little head disappeared in a spray of blood, his body flung to the far end of his tank.
"What the frack! What the frack! What did you do to my lizard!"
The woman who walked in first turned and shot the man who followed right through the side of his skull. He fell and she turned to me. I couldn't see her eyes behind her shades but she smiled. "He shot your lizard," she explained. "We don't just do that. Sorry."
"Y-you you shot that guy." I saw her smile disappear and added quickly, "he shot Basilisk. I'm glad he's dead." I was pretty unhappy about both deaths but my mind blanked when she took off her sunglasses and shook out her long red black hair. It was happening again. I made a note to mourn Basilisk later because I was about to do something dumb.
"Hi, I'm Maddy and I want to know where-, she pulled a crumpled piece of paper a pocket in jeans that clung to her hips. "Adriana Phelps is."
I stood. "Uh, sure. I knew her a couple of years ago. I'm sure I've got a box with her shit somewhere around here. Maybe she's got the same cell number too."
After a few minutes of shoving and pulling I got the shoebox out of the hall closet. She hadn't left much. I'd only dated Adriana for a few months, just long enough for her to convince me to buy a canoo. She took the canoo. "Here it is," I said, placing the box on the coffee table.
The woman sat down crosslegged and took the top off the Jimmy Choo box. "There isn't much here is there?" she said, taking out a few bottles of dried up nail polish.
"Yep, you want me to make you some tea?"
"No, do you have an espresso machine?"
My heart skipped a beat.